Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sweet Home Chicago

I've been trapped in the 'burbs for the long weekend. Over these last four agonizing days I've learned that I officially belong in a city, specifically Chicago. It's not even a contest, it's just not fair. The only thing that's better about the Hills than Chicago is the food I grew up eating is here. Oh, and my mom lives here but I talk to her on the phone. (Side note: My mom gets upset when I tell her I don't get homesick, but it's her own fault. She shipped me off to camp for weeks at a time starting when I was 6 or 7. By the time I was 8 I was going for a month straight.) Anyway, I'm beyond amped to get back to the city where it's loud and populated and I don't have to drive anywhere and things are open past 9 on a weeknight. Sure, in a couple months it's gonna dump snow and sometimes the el smells like pee, but that's just part of the charm.

Friday, November 18, 2011

1000 Reasons I'm Probably Adopted

I mentioned writing a post on this subject in a previous post and I'm bored so I'm doing it. Don't worry, I won't list a thousand things...right now. For now I'll just list a few of the reasons I could not possibly be my mother's biological daughter.

1. She cries. At everything.

I'm not a crier. I don't like crying, I don't like seeing people cry, I don't know how to deal with people who are crying. I really only cry when I'm pissed, which makes me mad and makes me cry more. It's awful. I also tend to cry at Pixar movies. Anyway, my mom cries at anything even remotely sentimental or emotional. She cried while watching Kim Kardashian's wedding special for chrissakes.

2. She doesn't like Buddy's Pizza

Anyone who knows anything about me knows I am obsessed with Buddy's, a local pizza chain in Detroit. I could eat their antipasto salad and almost-deep-dish square pizza every single day. My mom hates it. She'd rather eat Domino's or, even worse, Little Caesar's. Gross.

3. She's not musically/rhythmically inclined at all.

She's the definition of tone deaf and she has two left feet. I'm not sure how she spawned my sister and I. We both spent years dancing, my sister's a great singer and I can kind of carry a tune (even though in my head I'm a love child of Adele and Mariah Carey) and my sister and I both pick up instruments pretty easily. My grandma sang in a band in the 40s (seriously.) so she claims it skipped a generation, but I think I'm just adopted.


Disclaimer: I love my mom. I'm not adopted, it's a fact. She reminds me every single year on my birthday that I made her a whale the summer of '88 and it was the hottest on record.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Girl Code?

I hate Trending Topics. I hate them. Mostly because every time you click on them it's either something Bieber or Twilight related, or just some middle school nonsense that I'm too old to find funny. TTs are also a breeding ground for bad grammar and spelling. Today #girlcode was a TT. Joke's on you, Twitter. There's no such thing as girl code. Girls who think they prescribe to any sort of girl code absolutely do not. Girls are mean, vindictive and vicious and the worst part is they do it with a smile. I say "they" and not "we" because in my wild delusions I don't take part in this stupid, petty behavior. I have and I do, but I like to pretend I don't. Anyway, we may not all stick to any sort of girl code, but there is one phrase we all have said more than once. In this era of texting, tweeting, blogging, etc, so much is lost in digital translation. You've all said it, thought it, texted it to someone else:

What did he/she mean by that? 

Whether it's a boyfriend, a guy you like, a girlfriend or a frenemy (a word made up specifically for these "girl code" following a-holes), we've all overanalyzed a text or tweet. Looking for the connotation that fits our needs or convincing ourselves that it couldn't possibly be that, we read and re-read until all the words mean nothing, or until the next text comes in that needs analyzing. I hate this insane behavior. Even fully knowing it's insane, I'm doing it right now. Trying to figure out what the fuck anyone means by anything they say online is enough to make your head spin. But we'll keep doing it. Because we're girls and that's what we do.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Reppin' Some Hoods

Since I've been in Chicago 3 weekends now I've been out in a few different neighborhoods. Wrigleyville, South Loop, Lincoln Park/Lakeview, Wicker Park. Some were fun, some were not. Most of it was more about the occasion and the amount of alcohol that had been consumed rather than about the neighborhood itself. But I'm gonna judge them anyway.

Wicker Park- yuck.

Besides the fact that it's far as hell from where I live, I just flat out did not have a good time in Wicker Park. I had been up since 7 and was really not in the mood to go out, which highly contributed to my sucky time. The other main contributing factor was the shitty time we (my roommate and I) had getting home. Our plan was to take Blue to Red and be home in 30. 30 minutes later we were still on the Blue line platform on Damen waiting for the train while being annoyed to death by what we came to call glitter people- wannabe street musicians covered in glitter, dressed like gypsies and playing accordions, tambourines and bicycles. Yes, instead of using her drumsticks on the wooden platform, one of the female glitter people was using her bike as a drum kit. When we did finally get on the train the glitter people followed us and continued to "play music". To make matters worse, one stop later a herd of art school freshmen who hadn't showered in what smelled like months got on. After suffering jeers and dirty looks for being clean and put-together, my roommate and I got off the train 3 stops before we planned and cabbing home. To put it mildly, I don't plan on trekking to or from Wicker Park any time soon, except to go to Angels and Mariachis. That place is bomb.

South Loop- home sweet home.

Except for the Halloween incident (went to a bar and literally no one else was dressed up- embarrassing to say the least), the South Loop has been amazing. I haven't had a bad meal, drink, or time in my neighborhood. I also happen to live an elevator ride and 4 steps from a bar, which does not make me mad at all. Nothing bad to say, but I am a homer for my hood.

Lincoln Park/Lakeview- deeelicious

We stumbled- literally and figuratively- into a good time here. Jumping lines and cover and lucking into free bottle service adds up to an awesome night. If we hadn't fallen into such an awesome situation the bar we went to would have blown. But DMK is here, so I have to go back multiple times a week.

Wrigleyville- aka Bro-ville

Last but not least, this neighborhood is simultaneously the bane of my existence and everywhere I want to be. It reads like a college town, so it's awesome in that sense. I miss college more than anything and I'll jump at any chance to pretend I'm still at Rick's dancing to Party in the USA. On the other hand, it reads like a college town. Bros and douchebags are rampant, prowling for chicks to take back to their bro-cave and do whatever bros do. It absolutely depends on what kind of a night I'm looking for, but I really haven't had a bad time yet in Wrigleyville.


Bottom Line: Chicago rocks.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Sweet Home Chicago

If you tried to tell me I've only been in Chicago for 10 days I'd laugh in your face and tell you to learn how to count. Turns out that's exactly how long I've been here. I absolutely cannot believe it. It seems like I've lived here for at least a month. I don't know if that means that I've acclimated well to life in the Second City or that I have a terrible sense of time, but it's still mind-boggling. I have eaten deep-dish pizza (sorry, Chicago, but Buddy's beats Lou Malnati's hands down) and a few other Chicago-y things, but there are still a few quintessential Chicago things I haven't done yet that need to happen stat:

1. The Bean.

I've been to Chicago at least a dozen times and I've still never seen the thing. I'm not that mad about it, but I'd at least like to nonchalantly walk by just to say I have.

2. Blackhawks game

I went to a Red Wings-Blackhawks preseason game in Detroit and, through all the chirping and shit-talking, I had an amazing time. I'd love to not be yelled at through a game, so seeing the Blackhawks at home is definitely a priority.


3. Molly's Cupcakes

Maybe not quintessential, but I've heard so much about these goddamn cupcakes I think I need to have one like yesterday. 


There's a few other stupid things on my list, like running through O'Hare like the McAllisters and going to a celeb-chef restaurant (top of my list: Frontera). But for now those are the big 3.

Am I missing anything?

A Thanksgiving Story

I don't know when or how it happened, but Thanksgiving got lost in the shuffle between Halloween and Christmas. This makes me so sad because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Okay, it's my favorite food holiday. Fine, it's the only food holiday but I still love it. While I'm definitely looking forward to seeing Michigan Ave decorated for the season, I'd be much happier if people would wait 3 weeks to focus on buying presents and decorating their houses in the tackiest way possible. Thanksgiving needs to ball up and tell Christmas to wait until December to take over the airwaves. I understand I'm in the minority on this one. Most of the people I know, including my own mother (I might have to write a post entitled "1000 Reasons I Must Be Adopted"), can't wait to hear Christmas Shoes on the radio and cry for the rest of the day. Maybe I have this mindset because Hannukah's a way more kickass holiday than Christmas could ever dream to be: 8 days of presents, gambling is encouraged (for chocolate money, even better), and fried food is a staple. Anyway, my family's Thanksgiving has changed drastically over the last 5 years with people moving, getting married, having kids, etc. And while I might complain about how it's not the same as it used to be, it's still my favorite (food) holiday and I wouldn't miss it for the world. I can't wait to drive 5 hours, potentially through snow, put on yoga pants, watch the Lions dominate the Packers, and eat shit-tons of delicious food. I might even wake up early and brave Somerset for some Black Friday deals...and maybe do something to burn off the 80 pounds of mashed potatoes I plan on taking down.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

No Shave November? No Problem.

It's a great time of year. Leaves are falling, it's getting cooler outside, it's hockey season, and it's No Shave November aka Movember. Boys and men across the globe stop shaving for a month to look more manly and support various men's health causes. I've heard of women getting involved too, but let's be honest- that's really gross. Anyway I love No Shave November because I love stubble and that's really all most guys my age can manage in a month. In a more girly yet man-faced edition of this blog, here's my top 5 favorite 5 o'clock shadows.

5. Casey Affleck
Ben Affleck's younger brother. Just. I die.

4. Shia LaBeouf
Yes, this is his mugshot. Yes, he'll always be Louis Stevens in my heart. And yes, he has the perfect amount of facial hair.
3. Rick Porcello
I'm a huge Tigers fan and an even bigger Rick Porcello fan. The kid came into the big leagues at age 20 and shocked everyone with his killer sinker and his willingness to throw down with Youk. And he's adorable.


2. Ben Affleck
Big bro's got you beat, Casey. I've always had a thing for Ben, but when he's too clean cut it reminds me of the weird period of time that he was J.Lo's bitch.


1. Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane
Best series of ads ever. But seriously, Tazer's Wolverine-esque mutton chops were so incredible they made me rethink my hatred of all things Wolverine related. Damn, son. 

You may have noticed that there are no blonde guys on here. That's because blonde beards are weird and creepy and shouldn't exist. 


See? Gross. Anyway, besides all the handsomer men out, Movember brings awareness to some great causes, so be sure to visit Movember.com (linked at the top) and donate or participate!