Welcome to Chicago, Bitch

I had my first real big-city experience on Wednesday. I was in Chicago for a job interview (I know, it's exciting, but I don't want to talk about it and jinx it. I'm a superstitious sports fan. Let it go.) and I was trying to take the red line to Chicago (the street, not the city. duh.). We made it two stops without any drama, but then this girl gets on the train just to ruin my day. Literally. That had to be her purpose in life because she did it so well. We'll call her Bitch A. She gets on mumbling about something when the girl sitting directly across from me, Bitch B, takes offense and starts saying how Bitch A should watch her mouth and other stuff she should do. Bitch A is offended that Bitch B was offended, so, obviously, they need to punch each other. Bitch B did not want to be a part of said punching, so she called the police. Bitch A continued to threaten to end Bitch B's life in a terribly violent way, repeat that she is not afraid of the motherfucking police, and Bitch A's sister held her back from giving Bitch B the beatdown of her lifetime. At the next stop, we sat for what felt like eons and the conductor finally came to see what the fuss was about. By that time Bitch A and her sister had mysteriously left the train. This might all sound very innocent and not blog-worthy, but remember that this all took place about 2 feet from my face. No joke, I was in the splash zone. Welcome to Chicago, Bitch.